How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
