Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
