people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
