Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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