Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
