I must be too annoying 4 u.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
