let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
