She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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