dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
