Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
