I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
