Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
