saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
