what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
