Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
