Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
