So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
