I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize