Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
