That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You made out with two different species that night
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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