Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
