I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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