just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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