people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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