I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
