Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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