just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
