So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
