I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
