Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
