i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
