We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
