Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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