do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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