I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
