it wasn't lemon gatorade
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
