She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
