I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
