tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
