I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
