Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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