I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
