dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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