Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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