Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We left an ass print on the piano.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
