He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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