Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
