So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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