just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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