After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize