You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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