Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
