so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
