remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
