Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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