what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
