i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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