Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
