He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
