you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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