he shaved USA in his pubs
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
