The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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