Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
