Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
