i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
