Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
