The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
